Take me out to the (chuckle) ball game

Can there be anything more comic than a bunch of 5-year-old Little Leaguers playing their first game? I think not. Hard to decide what my favorite moment was during yesterday evening's game. Maybe it was when my grandson somehow crossed home plate after the guy who batted him in. Or mayb e it was the guy who, instead of cathcing the ball, ran from it. But this is how our future baseball stars start their careers. So carry on, boys and girls.

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I haven't yet reported on my wristwatch collection, which must number 200 timepieces, most of them worthless. I just can't stop collecting things, which would explain the Elvis LPs in gold, blue, green, and red vinyl.

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One of my geezer-class professors has l-o-n-g sideburns, a la Steve McGarrett on the old "Hawaii Five-O" TV series. So I spend much of the class imagining a razor floating through the air and then shaving off those sideburns.

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Ah, the golden years: floaters in the eyes, ringing in the ears, a shortage of synapses, and more prescriptions than Elvis and Heath Ledger combined.

Happy feat

Because I was accompanied by my two sons, I came home from a southern Californis odyssey with blisters on my feet and joy in my heart.

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The steak at Morton's in Anaheim, where the waiters wear tuxedos and the customers wear T-shirts, was among the best I have ever had. I did have to take out a loan to pay for it, however.

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In today's geezer class, which was about Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, it was noted that your children, even when they are in their 30s, 40s, or beyond, still seem like children to you. How true.

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Today's lesson in how to feel dumb: You complain to a bank officer that the ATM machine isn't working right because it won't accept your bank card. Then she examines that card and tells you your AAA membership card is stuck to the back of it.

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"When I was 17, Dwight Eisenhower was president, Elvis Presley was king, and James Dean was God." That's the opening sentence of a novel I was going to write. I never did get around to the second sentence.